Ouch! Feedback Helps.

The older I get, the more I realize that there are things in this world that I am good at and things that I have no business ever trying again. We all have strengths and weaknesses and if you are like me, you wish you had less weaknesses and stronger strengths. I am constantly trying to grow in my strengths. The idea of being a better leader, strategist, teacher, connector, etc. is very exciting to me. The part that trips me up, though, is how to get better. It’s not just more practice, or more experience. It’s more than reading books and studying others to learn new tactics.

I’ve found that the key is in exposure.

I have to have some people in my life that will shoot straight with me. I need the honest truth about where and how I need to improve. I like to get a pat on the back and to be told that I’m doing great. We all need encouragement and affirmation. However, I’m not going to grow through affirmation-- I’m going to grow through people that aren’t impressed with me, that don’t think I’ve hung the moon. People who will give me open and honest feedback. Neal, you come across too rough, you need to say it different next time. Neal, when you do this, regardless of your intentions, it is perceived this way. Neal, you’ve got to slow down. Neal, you lost sight of the big picture on this one.

There are things in my life, in my strengths and personality that I am blind to. When someone else, coming from a friendship of mutual respect, speaks candidly and honestly with me, I can learn. It stings a little, but it’s when they expose my blind spots that I can truly grow.

Making You a Better Me

Much of my time and energy goes into challenging people to grow in their relationships with God and in the impact they make for Him. Through phone calls, emails, coffees, lunches, dinners, Home Teams, softball/football teams, and serving together, I build relationships with other men with the goal of helping them experience God more and more in their lives. I challenge guys in their marriages, finances, friendships, time with God, and more. Having hard conversations with men and challenging them to take some serious next steps with God is one of the most exciting things I do as a Christ-follower.

Here is where I miss it: You Aren’t Me.

A simple truth that I often forget. My goal is to help you become a better you—someone who is more connected with God and makes a bigger impact for Him. My default is to challenge you to grow in my strengths. I forget that you and I are unique and have different personalities, abilities, and passions. My default is to challenge you to be a better me; to see the world the way I see it, to engage God the way I engage Him, to lead the way I lead, to interact with people the way I do, to think the way I think, and to live the way I live. I am constantly pushing myself to become a better me and so I push you to become a better me also. The thing is, God never intended for you to be me. The challenge for me as a leader is to see the better you that God is developing and to help you become that person with all your unique gifts, passions, and personality.

Jealous

All I wanted this morning was to lay in bed and snuggle with my son, Carter(16months old). As I walked to his room I figured I would get him up, change his diaper, bring him back to bed with with me, and then we could lay there and wake up slowly together. As soon as I opened his door, he flipped over and as always said, "momma?" Thanks son. I changed him and then he ran out his room looking for momma. Carter laid there in bed for like 10 minutes snuggling with my wife and paying me no attention. I wanted to scream I was so jealous.

I thought about how God must feel when all He wants is us and we give ourselves to other things. The Bible says that God is a jealous God (Ex 34:14; Deut 4:23-24)and that we provoke Him to jealous anger (Deut 32:16, 21; 1 Kings 14:22; Ps 78:58). God is jealous to be number one in our lives. The Bible teaches that God wants our "first fruits". He wants to be priority number one and to get our best, not our leftovers. In the categories of intimacy with God and impact for God, are you giving Him your best, or are you provoking His jealous anger? Start by examining your calender and your checkbook. Is God getting the first fruits of your time and money?